I don't want You Gittin Dawg Bit on me...

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tradmanclimbs

Ice climber
Pomfert VT
Topic Author's Original Post - Sep 10, 2018 - 05:43pm PT
I watched my new neighbors dogs for Thanksgiving a few years ago. Super nice couple that moved in with a 40ft stock trailer that read BEEF on the Arizona plates. Jason introduced me to the mutts with a huge sh#t eating grin just visible under the brim of his 20 gallon hat and they were the friendliest things you could ever meet. Eliot and Ruby were nice big redbone hounds that were trained lion hunters. Hank was your basic Red Heeler ranch Dawg. Jason showed me the routine and I gave them all a few treats. Everything was just peachy. Jason told me I didn't have to worry too much about Eliot and Ruby but don't turn your back on Hank! I don't want you gittin dawg bit on me.
With that tidbit of friendly advice they packed up the wife and baby into the 1986 F350 diesel and took off for grandma mother in laws place in Maine.

When I got off work @5pm in November in the Northeast it was darker than the inside of a caved in coal mine in west By God Virginny. I pull up to the chain link dog enclosure and all I can see when the motion lights come on is fangs and spit. Time for plan B. Walk the hundred meters to the cabin and get that bacon pan I never washed after breakfast this morning. While I was home I took the redneck precaution of strapping on my trusty .357 magnum just in case things git too squirly over there. I huck that bacon pan into the far corner of the enclosure. The pack of crazed snarling beasts pounce on that sucker like trumpers on a CNN reporter. Hair slobber and blood flying in all directions was my que to sneak in the enclosure and gather up their personal dog bowls placing them stratigacly near the fence instead of in the far back corner where Jason had devilishly put them. Old dented tin dog bowls partialy filled with exactly one small coffee can of Kibble was supposed to be the ration for 24hours according to ranch rules. I had other plans. The next morning before work I brought over 3 HUGE steaks from my sisters over the hill dairy cows. I could never manage to eat the things but I had an inkling that Lion hunters might be the perfect method of disposal for the vile, tough, freezer burnt crap that she used to give me for Christmas and birthdays.. Eliot and Ruby grabbed their steaks and slunk into opposite corners of the den, settled down and nursed their prizes while keeping a wary eye out for any possible competition. Hank promptly swallowed his monster steak in one gulp and then started chokeing to death. Great! Just what I need. Now I have to explain to Jason that I killed his ranch dog with a steak... Not to worry though as Hank expertly vomited up his prize and successfully managed to swallow it whole on the second try. Ever since that day Hank would start wimpering and squirming his butt like crazy every time he saw me. I always stopped and visited with him on my after work XC ski runs. He loved having his ears and belly scratched. Jason would ocasinally come down to shoot the breeze and show me one of his new guns and I appreciated his company as well but for some reason Hank and I just seemed to get allong. They moved away and I ran into them a few years later on the highway a few towns over. We stopped to chat. Hank was deaf and down to one eye but knew exactly who I was and we had a good visit. He never did dog bite me. More than I can say for Scout the new as#@&%e dog who lives next door and has dog bit me twice.
zBrown

Ice climber
Sep 10, 2018 - 07:16pm PT
Don't bite the dog that feeds you?


Flip Flop

climber
Earth Planet, Universe
Sep 11, 2018 - 07:55am PT
How does a dog bite you twice? Aint you got a drowning pond?
tradmanclimbs

Ice climber
Pomfert VT
Topic Author's Reply - Sep 11, 2018 - 09:19am PT
I am certain that if Jason was still in the neighborhood he would have a fitting red neck solution to Scout the as#@&%e dawg.
Flip Flop

climber
Earth Planet, Universe
Sep 11, 2018 - 09:24am PT
Some dawgs, you just cain't reach.
It's not how I want it.
It's how HE wants it.
And it's how he's gonna git it.
Nick Danger

Ice climber
Arvada, CO
Sep 11, 2018 - 10:22am PT
tradman, you have a knack for telling stories. That was a very enjoyable read.
Thanks
tradmanclimbs

Ice climber
Pomfert VT
Topic Author's Reply - Sep 11, 2018 - 01:04pm PT
Thanks. I am not much of a dog person but I did miss Hank when he moved away.. magin he has passed on by now...
mouse from merced

Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
Sep 11, 2018 - 01:26pm PT
Entertaining puppy dog tale, tmc. Ya ever fetch back yer bacon pan?
donini

Trad climber
Ouray, Colorado
Sep 11, 2018 - 01:38pm PT
Owners are the problem...if you get dawg bit make sure to sink your choppers deep into the owners thigh and you won’t get dawg bit twice.
ionlyski

Trad climber
Polebridge, Montana
Sep 11, 2018 - 02:49pm PT
Tradman, that was some funny shite! Never seen you write like that before.
Arne
donini

Trad climber
Ouray, Colorado
Sep 11, 2018 - 02:50pm PT
Yeah, it was funny...give us more!
zBrown

Ice climber
Sep 12, 2018 - 07:45am PT

Fritz

Social climber
Choss Creek, ID
Sep 12, 2018 - 08:29am PT
Tradman! Great dawg story! Thanks for taking the time to post it. Long-ago the ex-wife & I were trying to knock on a farm-owners door, since we we trying to pay our respects to his family before his funeral the next day. The door was guarded by a small heeler, which was not snarling, but was simply guarding the door against folks like us.

After making nice for a minute, I attempted to ring the doorbell, but instead felt a sharp nip at the back of my ankle. As I turned, the heeler planted itself back in front of the door.

We paid our respects at the funeral the next day.

I have learned that when I am walking in cow country & a cowboy or cowfolks ride up with heelers, they either can't or won't stop them from trying to heel me. (I have had one cowboy dismount & grab his heeler & throw it over his saddle, to ride by.)

Aggressive employment of hiking sticks confuses the hell out of heelers & I've only been nipped once in the last 30 years.
Jim Clipper

climber
Sep 12, 2018 - 10:56am PT


Lighter flick for the Mouse.
Jim Brennan

Trad climber
Sep 12, 2018 - 11:37am PT
Fritz,

You should tell that hungry dog story again !
Gnome Ofthe Diabase

climber
Out Of Bed
Sep 12, 2018 - 12:36pm PT
HMM? nice to meet you?
Credit: Gnome Ofthe Diabase
maybe I should get back up on the vertical?
hooblie

climber
from out where the anecdotes roam
Sep 12, 2018 - 02:00pm PT
i was always pretty eager to make as many runs as possible during my tele days on red lodge mountain. after catching the last lift, rather than be followed down the hill by ski patrol on sweep, i would slip under the boundary rope, catch my breath and slide down the rarely visited backside of the mountain savoring turns thru a series of nice stashes of untracked at a leisurely pace on tired legs. the slope ended in a secluded valley severed by a ranch road at a nice gradient for either striding or skating on bladed and tire packed snow. the first time thru was a little startling because as i approached the cluster of buildings that made up the core of the outfit a whole pack of ranch dogs rallied to meet me as i passed. nothing to do but concentrate on efficient technique, mix in some double poling and hope that velocity and momentum would sustain me thru the coming episode of snapping and whacking. turns out those dogs were pretty agile and quickly deferred to the radius of my pole swinging. they left my gaitered ankles alone but the best of those heelers definitely counted some canine coup on the tails of my skis. it was a nice long season, plenty of powder and so with repetition the regular event became an anticipated sporty interlude. as far as i know no one got an eye poked out. for years thereafter the sight of those scratches which had accumulated on my ski tails would bring a smile to my face in memory of spirited and worthy opponents. i sort of regret not being bold enough to have brought it all to a halt with a kneel down for a doggie knuckle bump had i known which pass would to turn out to be my last
tradmanclimbs

Ice climber
Pomfert VT
Topic Author's Reply - Sep 12, 2018 - 03:00pm PT
When I first me Isa she had a huge husky that looked like a wolf. Bo went on all of our ski tours that started from the cabin. he would run along side you and then cut in stratigcly at just the right moment to send you heinie over tea kettle. he spilled me quite a few times knowing full well that he was impervious to retaliation because I liked his mom ;)
tradmanclimbs

Ice climber
Pomfert VT
Topic Author's Reply - Sep 12, 2018 - 03:36pm PT
Jason was as nice a guy as you would ever meet. He knew all there was to know about ranching, hunting out west, shoeing horses, dawgs, guns, welding and fixing old trucks. What he didn't know a darned thing about when he married that eastern doctor lady and got himself moved to Vermont was Winter. Jasons first winter here every time I passed through and visited with Hank and the lion hunters Jason would come down the from the house slipping and slideing in his cowboy boots wearing that 20 gallon hat and a striped rodeo shirt. His ears would be bright red from the cold and if there was a stiff wind they would start to get white at the tips. " Shure is mighty cold in these parts.." "Yup, can be but you get used to it after a bit. Takes me a few weeks every fall to get the hang of it." I didn't have the heart to tell him that his old truck was going to turn to rust from the salt we use here in the north east and that there was a pretty steep learning curve on plowing and the fact that fat desert tires don't do much in an ice storm. Quick learner though. Jasons 2nd winter here the truck was getting rusty, he had chains for plowing, nice big fat felt lined Sorells, one of them army surplus hats with big furry flaps over your ears and a nice red and black checkered wool jacket.
Jim Clipper

climber
Sep 12, 2018 - 05:03pm PT
he spilled me quite a few times knowing full well that he was impervious to retaliation because I liked his mom ;)

Probably didn't give a rat's ass with regard to retaliation, quite possibly didn't view "your" friend as a mom. I wouldn't be surprised if "man's best friend" caught you in full glide, and liked it.

to hound dogs and good stories.
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