Rambunculating with the Honey Badger: An Eastside TR, 2017

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marty(r)

climber
beneath the valley of ultravegans
Topic Author's Original Post - Jul 1, 2017 - 11:52pm PT
In which two 40-something city dwellers get feral amidst the suncups and granite walls of the High Sierra.

June 21-23: Evol Traverse

"Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet ... then I account it high time to get to sea as fast as I can..."
~Melville

Were it not for my semi-rational fear of water I'd totally grock that guy Ishmael.


The plan was simple enough: use the night to get more day, avoid blisters like the plague, and burn off our first noses of summer. For me, this would likely be all the climbing I'd get in for 2017--daddy duty and urban obligations conspired against me. Luckily, Tim "Honey Badger" Halder had none of these impediments, and needed time away from soggy Seattle. Plus, how bad could the snowpack really be, right?


I had crested Lamarck Col three times in the past decade and three times I'd snail-eyed away. The proverbial waters felt deeper in the Evolution Basin, and yet the drive to climb the entire skyline remained, gnawing at me on my dawn patrol commutes, endless sessions of grading papers, and even while searching for the cooler part of the pillow. Isn't that what hunting whales is about?

In the end, we packed confidence, calories, and caffeine, though not in that order, and set out at first light from the Darwin Bench.


Up. Down. Around. Repeat. This seemed to be lingua franca of the traverse. The rock was clean--none of that kitty litter silliness I'd come to expect on these longer outings--but we hadn't anticipated how hot the day would be.






The section beyond Darwin consumed much more time than we'd expected and the call was made to bivy for the night, allowing us to do a simple rap and experience the most aesthetic portion of the route at first light.






In the end we made it as far as Haeckel Col before bailing into the frozen wasteland of the PCT. After a few hours of snacks, naps, and snowy coffee we humped it back over the col.

When it comes to snow, hops, and barley, I play Grasshopper to Tim's Sensei. You should see him boot ski! It's a thing of beauty. My rumpage? Not. So. Much.

After a few hours by headlamp we navigated a rugged floating log river crossing by the first Lamarck Lake, headed back to our rig, and contemplated our redpoint.

June 24-25: Tristes Tropiques

After a night of swamp cooler-assisted rest it was time to re-caffeinate and Black Sheep had the right brew at the right price. Several sweet elixirs and a breakfast burrito or two later we felt like were back on terra firma.

Now, I've got a BA in cultural anthropology but no amount of Margaret Mead had prepared me for the ski-capped, bikini-clad, hula-hoop ingénue emerging from the shade of the Wilson's parking lot. Since when were Bishop and Ibiza sister cities? To what milieu was she a familiar? In another era this star of the tarmac might have been made a good cult leader, but in this context Nieman Marxist seemed a more likely line of work. In any case, consider our minds blown. It was clearly time to retreat to higher ground.


Mammoth's Crystal Crag made a nice diversion and while the pub did open at four, we were convinced there were still worlds left to conquer.

June 26: Red Dihedral

Having developed a healthy layer of foot leather and re-acquainted ourselves with the Jolly Kone's finer frozen offerings we headed up Little Slide Canyon and battled gail force winds on the Hulk's Red Dihedral. We had the place nearly to ourselves and a good time was had by all.




June 27: Third Pillar of Dana

By this point our paws had been bloodied, we'd lost our baby fat, and Tim and I practically spoke a language of our own, equal parts Repo Man references and non-sequitur observations about the tech-bro takeover of our respective cities. With one final day to get busy our attention turned to Tioga Pass and a route that even SuperTypo's crumudgeon-at-arms Jim Donini could enjoy.

Again, we got a leisurely start, stashed some malted beverages by the roadside, and ambled toward the Dana Plateau.




June 28: Back to Base

Like every other climber with robust internet I've been enamored by the exploits of America's fit homeless. Reading summit registers, though, one gets a better sense of just how much bad-assery the Range serves up. Mike D. from Oakland who summited Mt. Darwin in ski boots and crampons then skied the North Couloir with his buddies, or John S. who climbed AstroHulk with his 14 year-old daughter (!!!) come to mind. These are the folks who really deserve our--or at least my--attention and acclaim.

All in all we came back alive, came back friends, and came back with a few stories to tell.

Even after 30 years of goofing off in the Sierra I return humbled by the beauty and breadth of the place.

Now if only they can fix the roof on TPR so I can get my hands on this year's first wedge of pie.




johntp

Trad climber
socal
Jul 2, 2017 - 12:01am PT
Great TR and a fine read before beddy-bye time. TFPU!
perswig

climber
Jul 2, 2017 - 03:01am PT
Finest kind, I've already read it thrice; first the pics, then the excellent prose, and again to put the two together.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQ2kiMhyx9A

Dale
Ezra Ellis

Trad climber
North wet, and Da souf
Jul 2, 2017 - 04:43am PT
This is great,
Thank you!
norm larson

climber
wilson, wyoming
Jul 2, 2017 - 05:03am PT
Excellent! If I was grading your report you'd get an A.
skcreidc

Social climber
SD, CA
Jul 2, 2017 - 06:46am PT
Nice!! You guys didn't waste any time this Sierra season start.
Gnome Ofthe Diabase

climber
Out Of Bed
Jul 2, 2017 - 07:05am PT
Sweet ,

now where's the meat of the vote ?

C'mon Taco really this needs our collective applause

Post up you geezers !

this is a 'WALK' OF ART
marty(r)

climber
beneath the valley of ultravegans
Topic Author's Reply - Jul 2, 2017 - 09:20am PT
Thanks, folks! "The Conquest of Tillie's Lookout" is the obvious high-water mark of mountaineering literature as far as I'm concerned, and this was my little homage to enfootment and the escape from domestication.

Perswig~Talk about a 'plate of shrimp' moment! My big warm-up to this week was catching Fripp's latest assemblage at the Fox in Oakland. Talk about making 70 a threat!
guido

Trad climber
Santa Cruz/New Zealand/South Pacific
Jul 2, 2017 - 10:02am PT
Refreshing TR to say the least! Thanks............
mouse from merced

Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
Jul 2, 2017 - 10:23am PT
#minivanlife, for sure.

Did you two rappel in to begin Third Pillar?

And donini's only one of many crumudgeons (sic) on ST. He just happens to be more literate than most.
i'm gumby dammit

Sport climber
da ow
Jul 2, 2017 - 10:53am PT
You just molested the eastside. Well done.
splitclimber

climber
Sonoma County
Jul 2, 2017 - 11:07am PT
cool trip and trip report. thanks for sharing.

Dig the B-Rad Foundation shirt and props to Mike D, too. His pics summiting Darwin in ski boots was ridiculous.
NutAgain!

Trad climber
South Pasadena, CA
Jul 2, 2017 - 02:01pm PT
Looks like a chunk of time very well spent! Thanks taking us for the ride.
StahlBro

Trad climber
San Diego, CA
Jul 2, 2017 - 02:35pm PT
Huzzahhh! Great photos and prose.

Looking forward to gettin' some in August.
Mike Bolte

Trad climber
Planet Earth
Jul 2, 2017 - 04:25pm PT
excellent report! thanks
Mungeclimber

Trad climber
Nothing creative to say
Jul 2, 2017 - 05:19pm PT
Esprit de col!
phylp

Trad climber
Upland, CA
Jul 2, 2017 - 09:24pm PT
Wow, you got in a lot of great climbing in a short time! I'm happy for you!
Good TR!
Bob Harrington

climber
Bishop, California
Jul 2, 2017 - 10:03pm PT
Nice Marty! Hah, Tillies Lookout "...standing sentinel-like among the other hummocks" is my favorite phrase in American mountaineering literature.
ß Î Ø T Ç H

Boulder climber
ne'er–do–well
Jul 2, 2017 - 10:36pm PT
If the sport of bouldering wants to really get their ticket punched - hit this sh1t up ...











Peek-a-boo Velcro

Trad climber
Santa Cruz, CA
Jul 2, 2017 - 10:44pm PT
Nice tick list, Marty. Evolution Traverse looked stunning.
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