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Messages 1 - 17 of total 17 in this topic
thebravecowboy

Social climber
Colorado Plateau
Topic Author's Original Post - Oct 24, 2013 - 02:57pm PT
Booze Me Up and Get Me High
Ween
All that 'schlager at the bar
Flakes of gold swim in my brain
I ate the worm the night before
And tonight I'll probably do it again

Shotgun Becks down at the Shore
I've got a friend at the liquor store
Deaner likes his red wind dry
So booze me up and get me high

Booze me up and get me high
Why don't you give it a try?
Let the bottle do the work
To ease the mind and soothe the hurt

Me and George finish the Jack
After drinkin' down my last six pack
I'm not feelin' bad myself
'Cause there's another bottle on the shelf

Cribber likes his Guinness in cans
And Andrew, he's a tequila man
But it don't take much to get me high
So booze me up and get me high

Booze me up and get me high
Why don't you give it a try?
Let the bottle do the work
To ease mind and soothe the hurt




Drinking Song for a Big Feature

Pirate Pete is on the nest,
Not one to malinger.
Tottie's giggling, half-undressed.
Pete gets in some nifty breast-
Work and an inch of finger.

Sport the Oak! Sport the Oak!
Ply the virile member!
Life's an endless dirty joke.
How long since you had a poke?
Too long to remember.

Youth's the season made for joys.
Joy is copulation!
Screw the girls with lots of noise.
More discreetly, screw the boys,
Implode the population.

Screw by night and screw by day.
Screw for Home and Beauty,
Or anything to get a lay.
For Pete's sake, get your end away,
It's your permissive duty.

-john whitworth

The Good Ship Venus

Aboard the good ship Venus
You really should have seen us,
With a figurehead of a whore in bed,
And a mast of a phallic genus

The captain of the lugger,
Was known as a filthy bugger,
Declared unfit to shovel grit,
From one ship to another.

The cabin boys name was Chipper,
A Randy little nipper,
He made a pass with a broken glass,
And circumcised the skipper.

The first mate's name was Morgan,
By gosh, he was a gorgon,
From half past eight he played till late,
Upon the captain's organ

The captain's wife was Charlotte,
Born and bred a harlot,
Her thighs at night were lily white,
By morning they were scarlet.

The captain's daughter, Mabel,
Though young, was fresh and able,
To fornicate with the second mate,
Upon the chartroom table.

The captain's younger daughter,
Was washed into the water,
Her plaintive squeals announced that eels,
Had found her sexual quarter.

The ship's dog's name was Rover,
We turned that poor thing over,
And ground and ground that faithful hound
From Tenerife to Dover.

And when we reached our station,
Through skillful navigation,
The ship got sunk, in a wave of spunk,
From too much fornication.

-from idlefoundation.com
mouse from merced

Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
Oct 24, 2013 - 05:21pm PT
I for one am nonfended.



sandstone conglomerate

climber
sharon conglomerate central
Oct 24, 2013 - 05:27pm PT
what about the man from Nantucket....
thebravecowboy

Social climber
Colorado Plateau
Topic Author's Reply - Oct 24, 2013 - 07:42pm PT


A woman from South Carolina
Placed fiddle-strings 'cross her vagina.
With the proper sized cocks
What was sex became Bach's
Toccata and Fugue in D Minor.

A young man from Boston, Mass
Rejected another man's pass.
He felt some attraction,
But suspected the action
Would just prove a pain in the ass.


thebravecowboy

Social climber
Colorado Plateau
Topic Author's Reply - Oct 24, 2013 - 07:44pm PT
Jack and Jill Went up the hill
To drink a bottle of brandy.
Jack got a shock.
And a mouthful of c*#k
Cause Jill's real name is Randy.


I Smoke Some Grass and Get Really High
Ween
i smoke some grass and get really really high
i looked upwards and cast my soul to the sky
i still do not know why exactly i cried
i smoke some grass and get really really high
yo man i aint no some tough guy
but i got some grass to get you really really high
i smoke it with you if you think you got time
th' sh#t will get you really really high
i smoke some grass and get really high-igh-igh...
up above is the Lord, down below is there is money in the pie
i look at myself and i say `why?'
i smoke some grass and i get really really high
i smoke some grass and i get really high
the girls on the planet, they no like me
in this world of fools, i am of a but a few percentage of the sane
but when i catch the notion, and wave my hand high
i smoke some grass and i get really really high-igh-igh...
i smoke some grass and i get really really high
............... don't ask me why *
i cast my eye up to the sky
i look down at the money in the pie
i smoke some grass and get really really high
i smoke some grass and get really really high
my sky look to the eye
d'you smoke grass and get really high?
smoke it with some kind of money pie?
i smoke some grass and i get really high
i smoke some pot and i get really really high-igh-igh...
the kind of lady walking, i stand on the mountain not forgetting why *
i smoke dope, do drugs, don't smoke cocaine
`............ no bullsh#t,' i said `its no good' *
you know, i need a slice of the lemon pie
i smoke some grass and i get really high
i smoke some grass and i get really high
i smoke some grass and i get really high
high-high-high-high-high-high
i smoke pot and i get really really high
thebravecowboy

Social climber
Colorado Plateau
Topic Author's Reply - Oct 24, 2013 - 07:48pm PT
I am the Jury
Moistboyz

I am the jury you're goin' to hell
Bein' penalized for the sh#t you sell
Spray your face with a thousand bullets
Because the judge wants me to pull it
Time for the payback I don't care
Walkin' tall even combed my hair
All you f*#kers just ain't aware
Spent 25 years delivering mail

All my neighbors knew my name
My one and only claim to fame
I got fired and I don't know why
Look in my eyes prepare to die
My wife don't wanna know me no more
Can't feed my kids I'm out the door
Seein' as I don't wanna live no more
Now I'm comin' to even the score



It Ain't Rude
Moistboyz

Well I know what you're thinkin'
Happens all the time
Being drunk is cool
Slidin' in the pool
Well I don't see a real big problem
'Cuz I'll know more this way
Just because you suck one dick
It don't mean that you're gay

Snowflake hand, he breached me
And it ain't no big deal
'Cuz I still have a girlfriend
And she's cool with how I feel

I just lost control
But it never happened again
So don't get all disgusted
'Cuz I know where I've been
Well johnny started laughing
And dave's gonna tell my dad
I know what they're thinkin'
And I know that it's all bad

Snowflake hand, he breached me
And it ain't no big deal
'Cuz I still have a girlfriend
And she's cool with how I feel

All I do
It ain't rude
It ain't wrong
I'm feelin' you

I just thought I'd tell you
Something small to share
So, I'm glad that you're not freakin'
And it's cool that you don't care
'Cuz I almost feel imbued
Gettin' blown by a dude
But I'm never goin' back
'Cuz I just ain't got the knack





I'm Gonna Kick Your Ass
by Mickey and Dickey Moist Dedicated to all the fathers out there

I'm gonna kick your ass
No time for reason - I'll pass
Talkin' that sh#t - you're mine
Better watch your back - your spine
Cleanin' your clock
It's time motherf*#ker for the sh#t to go down
If you wanna see tomorrow better get out of town
F*#kface - that's where I'm gonna stick it
Swear I'm gonna kick it

Better bring a stretcher when you come down here
I've been up for days and I have no fear
I can take the punishment of you and your friends
Wipin' down my head and do it again

Asshole - the sh#t is goin' down right now
Put down the kid and run
Daddy's gonna die - wave bye-bye
Dumb c*#ks@cker
It's time motherf*#ker for the sh#t to go down
If you wanna see tomorrow better get out of town
Payback - cashin' in your ticket
Swear I'm gonna kick it

I've been pumpin' stomachs since the age of 10
Losin' my sh#t since I don't know when
I been seein' red and I don't know why
Better start runnin' cuz you're gonna die




I Don't Give A F*#k Where the Eagle Flies
Moistboyz

Time bomb tickin' away I'm reelin'
You can't smell all the rage I'm feelin'
Ten pound sledge and a skullf*#k sleep
Osama bin comin' he knows my name
Feel like kickin' a cop today
And I'm not sorry I feel this way
All the king's horses and all his men
Succeeded in pissin' me off again

Up in the sky it's a bird it's a plane
It's a thorn in my side and it makes me insane
Aryan race with american eyes
And I don't give a f*#k where the eagle flies

Homeland security bullshit patriot
Act like men if you want to be free
Rock and roll ain't my salvation
But it makes me everythin' you can't be
Gotta chop down the burnin' bush
And I'm not buying the drugs you push
Killin' all the people that you don't like
Are you gonna kill me tonight?

Up in the sky it's a bird it's a plane
It's a thorn in my side and it makes me insane
Aryan race with american eyes
And I don't give a f*#k where the eagle flies

Shavin' your head in that old kinda way
Yeah don't try to hide cause we know that you're gay
Call me a terrorist and I know why
Cause I don't give a f*#k where the eagle flies

Can't you handle a man like me
No mistake and no apology
Livin' the good old american way
Don't want to piss in a cup today

Up in the sky it's a bird it's a plane
It's a thorn in my side and it makes me insane
Aryan race with american eyes
And I don't give a f*#k where the eagle flies
Call me a terrorist and I know why
Cause I don't give a f*#k where the eagle flies
Aryan race with american eyes
I don't give a f*#k where the eagle flies
rlf

Trad climber
Josh, CA
Oct 24, 2013 - 07:55pm PT
How about filthy limericks...

There once was a whore on the dock
From dusk until dawn she sucked c*#k
'Til one day it's said
She gave so much head
She exploded and whitewashed the block
Jim Brennan

Trad climber
Vancouver Canada
Oct 24, 2013 - 07:59pm PT
thebravecowboy

Social climber
Colorado Plateau
Topic Author's Reply - Oct 24, 2013 - 08:01pm PT
Officer Please
Moistboyz

Officer please,
I really want to meet you,
Many decrees,
Of hatred for your kind,
When I'm alone,
I dream that I can eat you,
Erasing your life,
Would really blow my mind,

Yeah,
Yeah,

Feel my decay,
I'm ripping off my face now,
Caught in the spray,
Of shiny metal ray,
Look at my eyes,
There's suckin' in the sinful,
Silent suprise,
Of violence and pain,

No please,
Don't make me pull my trigger,
God damn,
My blood ain't worth a dime,
Stop now,
Don't tell me to freeze,
Officer please,
Officer please,

Bastard of none,
A jack of all the snakes but,
I have a gun,
Your wife has never seen,
Pray to your god,
You never see me coming,
I am a master,
I'll always keep it clean,

Yeah, yeah,
No please,
Don't make me pull my trigger,
God damn,
My blood ain't worth a dime,
Stop now,
Don't tell me to freeze,
Officer please,
Officer please







lazy and cool
Moistboyz

You know Iím the man when I boil a hit
Iím way too old but I donít give a sh#t
Iím a moistboy cheap toy that ainít no f*#kiní lie
Iím smokiní like a king and Iím waitiní to die
Let me drive your nova let me break in your tires
Keep your eye out for a pig cause my license expired
Gotta drive in the snow with rubber and fire
Moistboyz donít care they never retire

Iím lazy and cool
F*#k all the rule
Iím drunk and Iím stupid
And I dropped out of school
Iím payiní no dues
And takiní no sh#t
Iím rolliní and Iím crass
And I know when to spit

The king of the pawn when Iím turfiní your lawn
Out on the porch when I run over your dog
I know the law and I know what you saw
But Iím laughiní like a punk and watch you pay for it all
Thereís crack in my chrome when itís time to go home
Wind down in time baby get you alone yeah
Fly-girl nudeswirl princess disgrace yeah
Dickieís gotta plan to put you in your place
Gary

Social climber
Desolation Basin, Calif.
Oct 24, 2013 - 08:13pm PT
There once was a miss from Wake Forest
Who had a gigantic clitoris
Most of her friends, you see
Thought her name was Marie
But her intimates knew her as Horace
rlf

Trad climber
Josh, CA
Oct 24, 2013 - 08:24pm PT
There once was a lady named Mable,
whose ass was as big as a table.
"Never you mind."
said a frind of mine.
She's ready, willing, and able.
BuddhaStalin

climber
Truckee, CA
Oct 25, 2013 - 01:52am PT
Nothing yet about a man from nantucket?
mouse from merced

Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
Oct 25, 2013 - 02:50am PT
You asked for it, Jack.

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Whose c*#k was so long he could suck it.
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear were a c#&% I would f*#k it!

There was a young man from Belgrave,
Who found a dead whore in a cave.
It must have taken pluck,
to have a cold f*#k;
But think of the money he saved!

There once was a man from Racine
who'd invented a f*#king machine.
Concave or convex,
it fit either sex,
but boy, was it a bitch to keep clean.

There was an old man of Duluth
whose c*#k was shot off in his youth.
He f*#ked with his nose,
and his fingers and toes,
and he came through a hole in his tooth.

There once was a lady named eKaterina
Who in Camp 4 caused a scene, uh.
With her nuts on a sling
She proceeded to sing
And kept time by clicking a biner.

There once was a lady named Lucky,
Who used dynamite to give herself f*#ky.
They found her vagina,
in North Carolina,
And one of her tits in Kentucky



mouse from merced

Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
Oct 25, 2013 - 03:16am PT
An ear of corn
And a dildo from porn
Met one day on the street.

Ear said to Pleasure-giver,
ďYou've no reason to quiver--
Itís me that sheís going to eat!Ē
thebravecowboy

Social climber
Colorado Plateau
Topic Author's Reply - Oct 28, 2013 - 07:05pm PT
booze me up and get me high
Marlow

Sport climber
OSLO
Oct 29, 2013 - 01:27pm PT

Wilfred Owen - Anthem for Doomed Youth
NutAgain!

Trad climber
South Pasadena, CA
Oct 29, 2013 - 01:58pm PT


"I Saw Your Mommy"

[Mike Muir]

Yesterday as I went out of the house
I saw her body lying down as quiet as a mouse
She was lying face down in the sewer
What you do-I got up closer and realized that I knew her
What you see-All her organs coming from her inside
That's nasty-Slashed up skin, sliced-up hide
Tell me some more-I turned her over and saw the tire tracks on her head
Then what-That's when I realized she was dead

Twisted body, chopped-off feet
Her body was minced meat
Bust crawling on her arms
She's dead can't do no harm
Gnarled-up legs, broken and bent
Her last breath has been spent

I wonder how much you had to pay
To get your mom killed in such a bloody way

I saw your mommy and your mommy's dead
I watched her as she bled
Well she had-Chewed-off toes on her chopped-off feet
Say what?-I took a picture 'cause I thought it was neat
That's cold-But the thing I like seeing the best
What's that-Were the rodents using her hair as a nest
Damn-I saw your mommy and your mommy's dead
Say what?-I saw your mommy and your mommy's dead

Twisted body, chopped-off feet
Her body was minced meat
Bust crawling on her arms
She's dead can't do no harm
Gnarled-up legs, broken and bent
Her last breath has been spent

I know it is your allowance that you'll really miss
But make it look good at her funeral and give her little kiss

I saw your mommy and your mommy's dead
I saw her lying in a pool of red-And she don't know how to swim
I think it's the greatest thing I'll ever see-What's that?
Your dead mommy lying in front of me-Ba doo be do
I'll always remember her lying dead on the floor-Ba doo be va
I hope she dies twenty times more

I saw your mommy and your mommy is dead
I saw your mommy and your mommy is dead

Twisted body, chopped-off feet
Her body was minced meat
Bust crawling on her arms
She's dead can't do no harm
Gnarled-up legs, broken and bent
Her last breath has been spent

I wonder how much you had to pay
To get your mom killed in such a bloody way

I saw her, I saw her...mommy

I saw your mommy
Messages 1 - 17 of total 17 in this topic
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