im handsome without gasoline

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Messages 1 - 16 of total 16 in this topic

Norwegian

Trad climber

Placerville, California

Topic Author's Original Post - Apr 8, 2012 - 01:32pm PT

i paddling across the serene lake,
me, my kayak and my beers.
9 am. the birds are vocally inviting spring.
the air is just above freezing,
im sweating in my dry top of
all my exertion.

i skirt the shore to relieve
my bladder burden

and there is this obnoxious f*#kin
rv with it's generator grinding
away at the serenity and his
motor head shitshow is on display.

there is a pretty lady sittin on the beach,
trying to understand the mountain morning.

i paddle up silently.
and introduce myself.

hi. im handsome without gasoline.
i don't whisper this boast,
i display it.

her mate then rounds the corner
of the rv as my confident introduction
outshouted the rv.

he observes this challenge,
me in my kayak with a pale ale
him with the beer gut and
loggers beerd.

shut the f*#k up hippy.
he tells.

f*#k you i reply.
get out of your craft and
say this to me face.

i comply.
hilarious now, a sight.
me standing in my skirt (kayak skirt)
all 5-6 ish
him standing tall and obese
as folks dependent on gasoline tend.

we exchange some explatives,
he mounts an attack, swings at me.

now.
i've been dodging rockfall a good
part of my adult life.

this punch looked like a feather wafting
towards me, compared.

i actually had time to laugh before
i dodged his assult.
he nearly looses his balance.

i don't reciprocate.
i stand there, grinning.

again he swings without success.
i tell him my lie,
and that is his truth,

finally the akward exchange matures,
his wife smiles at me,
and frowns upon him,

i never struck i only dodged,
and tonight when their fvking,
she'll surely think of me.

bergbryce

Mountain climber

South Lake Tahoe, CA

Apr 8, 2012 - 01:48pm PT

best thing I've read this week.

Fletcher

Trad climber

Fumbling towards stone

Apr 8, 2012 - 02:04pm PT

Right on the mark! Good stuff.

Eric

Wayno

Big Wall climber

Seattle, WA

Apr 8, 2012 - 02:25pm PT

That's not the way Hemingway would have done it but he's dead. Good on ya', Weege.

hi. im handsome without gasoline.

And I'm ugly without Vaseline.

Jingy

climber

Somewhere out there

Apr 8, 2012 - 05:00pm PT

Great story Nor,

Would have been great to get a few bitch-slaps open handed, just to leave a mark for the girlfriend to admire when in the act of exchanging their loves

Brandon-

climber

The Granite State.

Apr 8, 2012 - 05:04pm PT

I like this thread.

I enjoy toying with ignorant rednecks.

Fish in a barrel.

Gal

Trad climber

a semi lucid consciousness

Apr 8, 2012 - 05:38pm PT

Haha-very good!!! :-)

Wayno

Big Wall climber

Seattle, WA

Apr 8, 2012 - 05:56pm PT

I nominate the Weege as the person I would most likely steal a good line from.

Tami comes in a close second. Sorry girlfriend, it's a dick thing.

Swami Jr.

Trad climber

Bath, NY

Apr 8, 2012 - 06:20pm PT

Thank u for this!

kennyt

climber

Woodfords,California

Apr 8, 2012 - 07:00pm PT

I take it the r.v. you bought your wife instead of a ring doesn't have a generator.

FRUMY

Trad climber

SHERMAN OAKS,CA

Apr 8, 2012 - 07:01pm PT

Too funny --- Thanks.

nevahpopsoff

Boulder climber

the woods

Apr 8, 2012 - 10:01pm PT

nice, nice, very nice.....

coloradohigh

Trad climber

rocky mountain trench

Apr 8, 2012 - 10:11pm PT

excellent! que cabron eres con las palabras.

Norwegian

Trad climber

Placerville, California

Topic Author's Reply - Apr 9, 2012 - 08:53am PT

you folks shweet whom complement
my creative writing.

your jesture is
far more positive than
ripping the head off a moose
with your bare hands
and trying to configure
it upon a limp flower.

im not prideful
though i come across as such.

the whole story
makes me up.