Alex Rowland
Sport climber
Atlanta, GA
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Topic Author's Original Post - Jan 21, 2012 - 03:26pm PT
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Every year, for the last three years, I've posted about attending the July Homo Climbtastic climbing convention in West Virginia. And to date, none of you losers have shown up.
I just don't know what to do that I haven't already done. What limits have I placed on Homo Climbtastic's largesse? Do I need to promise bajowskis? I've already given plenty of those! And my hands are way too calloused for HJ's! I can't even pleasure myself without lotion!
We get people from lots of other places. We have people posting photos and whatnot on RockClimbing.com and 8a. But Supertopo eludes us, like some last bastion of west coasters terrified of feeling their hands peel off east coast crimpers.
Not that we haven't gotten bigger each year, we're projecting a 100 for this year, over last year's 80. Our size is even forcing us to give up on any sort of costume contest.
So I need some ideas here for what will prompt some of you at Supertopo to click over to http://homoclimbtastic.com and read our blog and maybe sign up for our 2012 July 26-29 climbing convention in the New River Gorge, West Virginia.
I'm listening. I could... host a debate about your personal struggles obtaining incandescent bulbs! Stage a mud wrestling match to decide, once and for all, the ethics of route chopping! And bears! There was an 836 post thread about when it's ok to shoot bears. Our bears would never charge you, much less consider eating your face. Our bears are much more polite. They abide by Southern hospitality, and the first rule of Southern hospitality is don't eat someone's face, unless they're already dead, in which case, bread on the left, drink on the right.
Because, I want you to actually come. I want more than just a flame war involving what's-his-face saying something about us not being welcome WHEN I COME FROM THA DAMN SOUTH, WHERE OUR POLICY IS TRESPASSERS WILL BE SHOT, SURVIVORS WILL BE SHOT AGAIN. He probably drives a Nissan Leaf in Northern California and drinks Meeeeerrlooot. Are you even allowed to own guns there? Do you have to take down the bears with a well timed sequence of BB's? (First step: blind them. Second step: parry them for miles through the woods and hope they get hit by a car.)
True, the flame war is nice, which is why I'm taunting what's his face d-bag so he'll keep bumping my advertisement. I forgot his name though. Too lazy to look it up.
But to reiterate what we are, and what we do, we're Homo Climbtastic, and we throw a yearly queer-friendly climbing convention, which means you primarily just gotta be friendly. You don't have to suck c*#k like a well packed blunt (if you're a dude) or be a scissoring expert. Maybe you're just... moderately skilled at scissoring. You can be anything. And contrary to rumor, we don't ALL own guns, so you Californians won't feel out of place. Just don't play with anything shiny that isn't climbing equipment.
We do hope to hear from you soon over at HC. Or that buried in here is some inane, yet intensely controversial topic that will keep this thread at the top of the pile until the end of time.
To that end, Newt Gingrich is a poopy-head.
Best wishes,
Alex Rowland
homoclimbtastic.com
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Crimpergirl
Sport climber
Boulder, Colorado!
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Jan 21, 2012 - 03:46pm PT
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Good luck Alex et al. Looking forward to this year's TR. I'm grounded so I won't be there. :/
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Rokjox
Trad climber
Boys I'dunno
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Jan 21, 2012 - 03:50pm PT
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I tried to explain about us guys, but you refuse to believe that we ain't all THAT queer...
...and if you are talkin bout me, I AIN'T from Kali.
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Srbphoto
climber
Kennewick wa
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Jan 21, 2012 - 03:51pm PT
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Homo say what?
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Rokjox
Trad climber
Boys I'dunno
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Jan 21, 2012 - 03:54pm PT
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I am surprised a little. I certainly THOUGHT they had homotastics in Kali. Near Sacramento where the Governor lives.
You can get them up sport climbs but they call belaying tag teaming. ready to climb becomes "you're it!"
A winter recruitment drive?
...or Looking for a new franchisee? I think there is money to be made providing Social Gatherings for Outliers. Look at how successful the Hells Angels became.
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socialclimber
Trad climber
CA
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Jan 21, 2012 - 03:59pm PT
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Aww Rok,
you jealous no one has given you a bajowski?
Charles
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Rokjox
Trad climber
Boys I'dunno
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Jan 21, 2012 - 04:12pm PT
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Whaaa-huh? You saying I didn't go to college?
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rlf
Trad climber
Josh, CA
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Jan 21, 2012 - 04:19pm PT
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I think it's great. Good for you guys. Well wishes for a successful event.
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Ron Anderson
Trad climber
USA Moundhouse Nev.
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Jan 21, 2012 - 04:26pm PT
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wasnt West Virginey about mountain mamas???
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toadgas
Trad climber
los angeles
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Jan 21, 2012 - 04:34pm PT
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To that end, Newt Gingrich is a poopy-head.
can we infer then that Mitt Romney is yet another closeted Mormon...homo?
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sullly
Trad climber
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Jan 21, 2012 - 05:11pm PT
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Alex I'm calling you out as a poopy-head for pursuing law rather than fiction writing. Looked for last summer's TR, but no dice. Damn those billable hours! WV is too far for me. Could you make your way to Facelift or the Gordon Casa Fiesta?
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justthemaid
climber
Jim Henson's Basement
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Jan 21, 2012 - 06:38pm PT
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If I hadn't blown my vacation time already on Potrero Chico I'd totally be in. Mebbe next year :(
Great post BTW. LOL
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thaDood
Mountain climber
PortaLedga OnzaKaleefa
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Jan 21, 2012 - 07:03pm PT
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r jesus freaks welcome?
btw, your welcome here...but supertopo kinda comes across as a don't ask don't tell sorta joint. or at least, jesus freaks best keep it to themselves...so we attempt ta comply. difficult at times fer us out & proud jc freaks. anyway, just thought i'd drop in and say hello...
d00d
edit: Alex, i just wanted to say that you should start posting here(supertopo)allot more! you seem like a very interesting person, with a great sense of humor, and yer active in climbing...don't be a stranger. most people can't travel all the way to w virginia, otherwise they prollie would check it out. take care!!
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Tami
Social climber
Canada
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Jan 21, 2012 - 07:34pm PT
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.but supertopo kinda comes across as a don't ask don't tell sorta joint
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA.
Alex I soooooo won't make the journey to WV. Unless that is West Van.
:-) Have a blast.
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Jim Brennan
Trad climber
Vancouver Canada
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Jan 21, 2012 - 07:56pm PT
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Do you guys feel conflicted when someone says, "That climb sucks"...?
Whatever, glad you had fun, fellow humans !
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Russ Walling
Gym climber
Poofter's Froth, Wyoming
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Jan 21, 2012 - 08:24pm PT
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I'd be so there if I could only get my latency under control. How do I get one of them there Tshirts with the frikken goats!
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rhyang
climber
SJC
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Jan 21, 2012 - 08:33pm PT
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west coasters terrified of feeling their hands peel off east coast crimpers
Guilty as charged. Well, that and work ... and the fact that I grew up back east, and after moving west I just have no desire to return.
I have been to WV though, back when I lived in western PA. Some great country there. I remember one time hitching a ride after my motorcycle broke down late at night. Dude's pickup truck bed was filled with empties .. his excuse was "hard to teach an old dog new tricks". Good times :)
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toadgas
Trad climber
los angeles
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Jan 21, 2012 - 08:57pm PT
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Every year, for the last three years, I've posted about attending the July Homo Climbtastic climbing convention in West Virginia. And to date, none of you losers have shown up.
Low T
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reddirt
climber
PNW
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Jan 21, 2012 - 09:27pm PT
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Our bears would never charge you, much less consider eating your face.
One of my most upsetting & horrific memories of going to the new is seeing some toothless hillbilly parading around a young black bear carcass at some gas station en route to Cathedral Café. Ruined my day.
and the fact that I grew up back east, and after moving west I just have no desire to return.
Ditto, except for a few things in NH I that may justify me getting off the left coast for.
This invite reminds me of what a comedienne & LGBT rights supporter once said: "It's not the heat, it's the humidity, and it's not the hate, it's the stupidity.
If you can stick to that sandstone/limestone/conglomerate/shale stuff in a zillion% humidity, more power to ya!
Nevertheless, have fun at your shindig. There's a few E coasters that troll the taco so perhaps your post may generate a few more participants. Have fun perhaps we'll see a TR.
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Sierra Ledge Rat
Social climber
Retired to Appalachia
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Jan 22, 2012 - 07:05am PT
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Is this for real?
Fayetteville is just down the road from me. I spend my summers kayaking on the New River and the Gauley River.
July is a rough time to be climbing in the NRG, the humidity is out of this world. You can wave to me, I'll be down on the river enjoying the water and staying out of the heat.
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