ME Climb
Trad climber
Behind the Orange Curtain
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Topic Author's Original Post - Jan 16, 2011 - 10:43pm PT
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After 9 years of being a part time dad my 15 year old daughter is coming to live with me full time. Any advice???????
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gf
climber
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Jan 16, 2011 - 10:44pm PT
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gravel under her window along with lots of prickle bushes
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ME Climb
Trad climber
Behind the Orange Curtain
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Topic Author's Reply - Jan 16, 2011 - 10:46pm PT
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I like that idea. The fact I have lots of guns will probably help too!
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LuckyPink
climber
the last bivy
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Jan 16, 2011 - 10:48pm PT
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stay home
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gf
climber
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Jan 16, 2011 - 10:56pm PT
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yeah kidding aside
consistency and fairness in how the rules are applied and enforced go a long way imho
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JEleazarian
Trad climber
Fresno CA
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Jan 16, 2011 - 11:01pm PT
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Mungeclimber, for a non-parent, you have good instincts. We've raised two daughters, now grown, who learned very early on that I meant what I said, but that they could reason with me.
I'm too lucky to give advice, though. Both daughters climb, both teach (one math and one music), both make music (and even lower themselves to play or sing with me), and even go to Camp 4 and elsewhere on their own. Obviously -- and best of all -- neither are princesses.
If you ever get stuck, ME climb, email me. I'll give my two cents worth, but about the only generalization that I'm pretty sure holds true is this: everyone is different -- even our children. One size does not fit all.
John
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Tami
Social climber
Canada
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Jan 16, 2011 - 11:06pm PT
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Rules ? Are you f*#king kidding?
gf answered that way c'os that's what his girlfriend's dad should'a done when he was 17 ( and she was 15.......... ) :-D BUSTED !!!!
To the OP - as mother of a 21 yr old son ( I raised him part time since he was 12 and full time before that ) and a 19 yr old daughter ( had her full time since birth ) it is ENTIRELY depending on WHO yer daughter is & what sorta household she has been raised in to this time.
And why she is now coming to you full time is also part of the puzzle that will reveal itself as you take her in full time.
Also a question is how much will her life change now that she's living with you. Has she moved a long ways to live with you ? Meaning - her life ( school , activities, friends ) will change entirely. Or has she walked down the block with her stuff and is now under your roof ?
Kids are very different from one another. What worked for me & my kids may be entirely retarded for you.
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Mtnmun
Trad climber
Top of the Mountain Mun
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Jan 16, 2011 - 11:14pm PT
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Teach by example and never make her wrong or belittle her. Let her know she can communicate with you about anything and you will not punish her for it. Be a father with expectations for your daughter, set a high bar and be stoked with her accomplishments.
Since you are in this site I assume wilderness will be a great communicator for you two. My best to you and your daughter.
My daughters are now 24 and 31 and truly are amazing and full of wonder.
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Seamstress
Trad climber
Yacolt, WA
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Jan 16, 2011 - 11:27pm PT
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Love her like a father. As much as you would like, you can't be her best friend.
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ME Climb
Trad climber
Behind the Orange Curtain
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Topic Author's Reply - Jan 17, 2011 - 07:14am PT
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Thanks for the advice. The reason she is moving in with us is she is looking for more stability. She is on her 3rd High School in less than two years, and her mother wanted her to move again.
We have always been very up front with the rules and what we expect from her. My wife and I are much stricter than her mother, but the rules are simple and stay the same.
We knew that she would eventually want to live with us, but we did not know that it would literally happen overnight.
All three of my girls (15, 12, and 9) are very good girls that have been put in the middle of things they should not have been. It has been frustrating to watch it happen and not be able to due anything about it. One thing I have learned (at least in my case) is that family court is not fair and judges don't always put the children's needs first.
It was nice to see the look of relief that was on her face when she made the decision to live with us. I am very proud of the strength she showed. I hope it gives her sisters strength too.
Thanks for all the advice!
Eric
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rlf
Trad climber
Josh, CA
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Jan 17, 2011 - 07:24am PT
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Here's a simple monologue you should deliver every time she brings a guy home:
Walk up to him, shake his hand, act like you actually like him and say the following:
"Pleasure to meet you. You know, my daughter is the most precious person in my life. What ever your intentions are with her know one thing, I don't mind going back to prison."
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TMO
Trad climber
Puyallup, WA
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Jan 17, 2011 - 07:33am PT
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No advice can help you with the insanity of teenage girls! Expect to be surprised.... I have a set speach for my girls;
"Honey, you are going to disapear for a while.... replaced by a screaming, emotional, illogical banshee. Your mother and I will be patienty waiting on the other end of this insanity for the real you to pull your head out".
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rlf
Trad climber
Josh, CA
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Jan 17, 2011 - 07:36am PT
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Doesn't that picture refer to women in general???
I did not just say that.....
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philo
Trad climber
Somewhere halfway over the rainbow
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Jan 17, 2011 - 07:44am PT
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Love her like a father. As much as you would like, you can't be her best friend.
I agree with Seamstress. You can be her friend but you ARE her Father.
Good for you and her and best of luck, Teenage girls are a challenge.
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pc
climber
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Jan 17, 2011 - 07:45am PT
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Take her climbing?
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Mark Hudon
Trad climber
Hood River, OR
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Jan 17, 2011 - 08:31am PT
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My daughter is 13, my wife and I are still together and we are on the same page as far as discipline goes so I have quite a different situation than you do. Still though, give her options, discuss them with her, be fair, be honest but you are the adult, you make the final decision.
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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Jan 17, 2011 - 08:35am PT
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hey there say, ME climb...
every has given you great advice, and also, food for thought... this is just an ADD-ON, as to all:
also, too, remember, if you, your home, and your family (meaning hers, as it now will be) are not "knit into her heart", with love and respect, and simple joys of relating and "doingg", OTHERS will entice her with "false imitations" and wrap their tentrals around her spirit, 'til she can't see beyond their jungle, and these are the confusions that teenagers grow and graft into, leaving those that once "were their network" behind...
however, if she does have any confusions, lingering from the past, "snip" carefully, and with wisdom, as to when and how... or, all kinds of turmoil will bubble... always have something better, to fill in the wounds, then, too...
well, as i said, just some add-ins, if needed...
god bless and may this new part of her life and yours, be wonderful
:)
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fattrad
Mountain climber
GOP Convention
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Jan 17, 2011 - 08:38am PT
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ME Climb,
Although I am only a part time dad to a 14 y/o daughter, my ex and I maintain the same rules/value systems.
I have reminded mine that as an LEO I have seen everything and nothing will slip by me, you might want to mention this to yours.
The evil one
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Dingus Milktoast
Gym climber
CALIENTE!
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Jan 17, 2011 - 08:43am PT
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I have two teen aged daughters and I won't presume to offer you one word of advice.
I will offer a 'good luck!' however.
Cheers
DMT
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